Forgiveness: Your Health Depends on It

The word "forgiveness" often conjures up a variety of emotions and interpretations for people. From reconciliation to forgetting -- the concept comes with many misconceptions.

Yet, at its core, forgiveness is not just an external act directed toward someone else; it's actually a very profound act of releasing negative emotions that have the potential to cause you, and the ones you love harm -

• Anger

• Resentment

• Fear

• mistrust

The pain we feel is not contained or hidden well, as much as we try to hide it behind false smiles, humour and telling other that we are “fine. We try to bury how we are feeling with quick dopamine hits - short term pleasure, like online shopping, drinking, smoking, binge eating or substances.

As much as we try to contain it and bury it, it often comes out when we are highly stressed, triggered or overworked…

And then the ones around us are the ones who feel the emotional shrapnel of the deeply buried emotions we carry from our past, leaving us with guilt, shame and self resentment.

In todays blog we will explore the multi-faceted nature of forgiveness, its significance in our lives, and how it is deeply connected to both our our emotional and physical well-being.

Understanding Forgiveness

According to the APA Dictionary of Psychology, forgiveness means “to put aside feelings of resentment toward an individual who has committed a wrong, been unfair or hurtful, or otherwise harmed one in some way.”

Scientific studies indicate that the act of forgiveness is associated with lower stress levels, reduced symptoms of depression, and improved immune function. Notably, your brain's electrical activity is also influenced by emotional states. Monks who practice virtues like forgiveness tend to have more alpha brainwaves, associated with relaxation and reduced stress, than the average person’s beta waves, which are higher during everyday stressful activities.

According to a 2014 study in the Journal of Health Psychology, practicing forgiveness can significantly lower the stress-induced health problems. When you harbor negative emotions, you are essentially storing toxicity in your body, contributing to health problems like hypertension and mental disorders. However, forgiveness can help you release these toxic emotions, improving your physical and emotional health.

Forgiveness vs. Reconciliation

It's essential to know that forgiveness is a process - its not just dismissing someone or something that wronged you by saying “its okay” or “I forgive you” when you still harbour the negative feelings and emotions.

While forgiveness is an individual process involving the release of resentment and anger, reconciliation is about rebuilding a relationship.

Contrary to popular belief, you can forgive someone without reconciling with them. Especially in cases where reestablishing a relationship is unhealthy or even dangerous, forgiveness can act as a standalone act, allowing you to move forward without emotional baggage.

While forgiving others is vital, forgiving ourselves comes first. Holding onto guilt or shame leads to self-loathing and low self-esteem. Self-forgiveness is the act of letting go of these negative feelings, helping to enhance your self-image, increase your self-esteem, and lead you toward a more positive life path.

The only time I do reccomend that forgiveness and reconciliation go hand in hand, is when you are practicing forgiving yourself. Your relationship with self is one of the most fundamental relationships for both your health and your happiness.

4 Step Approach to Forgiving: Robert Enright

1. Uncover Your Anger: The first step is acknowledging the resentment you feel. Ignorance or suppression of these emotions will only prolong your agony.

2. Make the Decision to Forgive: This is a conscious choice to let go of the negativity, without condoning the offense.

3. Cultivate Forgiveness: Try to empathize with the offender to build your emotional resilience and let go of resistance.

4. Release Harmful Emotions and Reflect: The last step is the actual act of forgiveness, where you let go of your negative emotions and reflect on your growth and the insights gained from the experience.

Forgiveness is an active choice. While some may be naturally more forgiving, it's a skill that can be cultivated. In fact, 62 percent of American adults believe they need more forgiveness in their personal lives, according to a survey by the nonprofit Fetzer Institute. Whether it’s forgiving another person or yourself, you can practice forgiveness by taking steps like reflecting on the events, empathizing, and ultimately deciding to let go.

The road to forgiveness isn’t linear. Old wounds may resurface, there may still be emotional triggers and that's okay. It’s a lifelong journey, not a destination. As Vishen Lakhiani, founder of Mindvalley, puts it, "God has sent you nothing but angels — everyone who has come into your life and done something to wrong you — you can choose to perceive that as an angel doing something to get you to the next level of your evolution."

Forgiveness is a profound act of self-love that can significantly impact your emotional and physical well-being. Whether it's forgiving someone else or yourself, it's about freeing yourself from the prison of negative emotions, and taking the next step forward.